Learning Confidence

Julie Murphy • March 30, 2015

Everyone wants to be different. Unique. We all want to believe that there is something about us that makes us stand out from others. And though we are all very similar in many ways, we are also individuals. Sure we all want to be successful and happy, but our definition of what success and happiness is varies from person to person. We want the same things, but we want different things.

Being a little bit different from everyone else is actually advantageous. If we were all exactly the same, then there wouldn’t be so much art and creativity in the world. We wouldn’t form relationships as strongly as we do. And we would all be, well, bored. So having your own style and signature is what makes you special. Why, then, do we immediately recoil when who we are bothers other people?

I’m sure you have either been there or you know someone who this happens to often. You know who I’m talking about: the person with a personality that can only be described as polarizing. She’s loud. Opinionated. Unapologetic. And completely herself 100 percent of the time.

Whether you like her or not, there is one thing you can always say about her: she is who she is, and she’s that way all the time. She doesn’t stray from herself for the sake of the comfort of others.

So what does this have to do with you? As women, I think we often play up different aspects of our personality to better ingratiate ourselves in different situations. We are humans, and we are wired to want to be liked by others. But sometimes when we change ourselves to better serve others needs, we bury the things that make us the interesting individual that we are.

When you bury your authentic self, you are depriving people of the greatest gift you have to give: your truth. There is always going to be someone that needs exactly what it is you have to offer. Instead of shrinking, stand taller. Stick to your guns and let go of the fear of standing out in a bad way. Remember: the most important opinion is yours. Are you happy with how you treated someone? How you acted? What you said? Then that’s all that matters.

Action step

It’s easy to be apologetic for who you are when it rubs people the wrong way. Don’t. You’re letting the world down when you fail to give them exactly who you are. We are all very familiar with weaknesses as it’s easy to put them center stage. But being an individual isn’t a weakness; it’s an asset. It can also be a great strength in your life. So focus on that strength and let the world know you’re ready to embrace them. Nothing screams confidence like a woman being comfortable letting her freak flag fly.

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