Shift From Disappointment

Julie Murphy • February 19, 2015

If you want to knock yourself out of alignment – mentally and emotionally – dwell on your disappointments. Keep replaying in your head what you should have done. Don’t let yourself accept that promotion you were passed up for. Continue to hold onto shame and judgement about the way your divorce physically manifested itself in your life.

And never, ever forgive yourself for the mistakes you made one, three, five or even ten-plus years ago.

Because, you know what, you deserve that. You deserve to have a cloud hanging over your head for the rest of your life about the way you handled the disagreement you had with your sister a few weeks ago. Good things shouldn’t happen to the kind of people that say things they don’t mean in the heat of the moment. And all the time you wasted when you were younger dating the wrong people, pursuing the wrong career and building relationships that ended up being exactly the opposite of what you needed? That time wasn’t well spent because it’s not like you learned anything for those experiences.

Nope. You’re not worthy of love. Why? Because you are a flawed. And human beings are perfect.

Right? Wrong! And you know this. You know how foolish it is to take to heart the things that slipped through our fingers or the moments words we didn’t mean welled up in our throats and flew out of our mouths.

I want to address this because you are most-likely a goal-oriented, driven woman with career milestones both in the rear-view and quickly approaching. You’re also a busy mom, wife and friend always prioritizing the people in your life just a bit higher (or more than just “a bit”) than you or your needs. You may not always have the time, energy or even mental/emotional space to knock out a few of the personal goals you set for yourself. And guess what? Most women are in the same boat, and you understand them completely because you are one of them.

Action step

Why is it that when we are counseling a friend through a breakup or a younger coworker through their first bad review, we immediately offer sound and sympathetic advice but when it comes to our own struggles….you see where I’m going with this. It’s time to be as compassionate with yourself as you would be with your best friend. Stop criticizing YOU and start showing yourself as much love as you give to others.

Whatever stage you are at in life, it’s time to stop dwelling on your disappointments and start accomplishing things. Yes, you are ambitious, but you are also a human. Pick that thing you want the most right now and pursue it relentlessly. If your heart isn’t in to something, stop doing it. Wait until it becomes important or move on. Once you’ve sorted out what really drives you, finding that inner balance you crave will get a lot easier. So will using that some of that compassion you devote only to others on yourself.

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