I’m the money chick, which leads a lot of people to ask, “Julie… why do you talk about so many of these others topics? Relationships? Work life? Health?”
The answer is actually very simple: success in all these areas has to do with how we are authentically showing up in the world, and money is actually the result of you aligning with your heart and your soul—aligning in your relationship, your work, your health, and so much more. Without alignment in all these areas, money doesn’t follow, and if it does follow, it may not stick and stay either.
So today we’re going to focus a bit on relationships because if you are not happy in your relationships, then going to affect many aspects of your life in a negative way.
Many people get mad at me for saying this, but here’s the hard truth: you created exactly the life you have and you made choices to get to the place you’re in right now. I get that life happens and some things are out of your control, but you being in the relationship you’re in (or not in) is you’re choosing.
There’s often a huge grieving process when we realize our life and all its imperfections is our own doing—trust me: I’m a divorced mom of four kids and when my fourth one was two years old, my grieving process started. I had to grieve a lot that I had created this life; I took an active part in creating a relationship that was not in alignment with my heart or my soul.
But here’s the cool thing: we don’t have to stay there. We don’t have to sit in suffering cycles, not in our relationships, not with our money, not with our work, not with anything. We are choosing to suffer when we wait and make no changes, so we can choose to make different changes and end the suffering cycle, too.
Once you own that you are responsible for the choices you make in your life, you give yourself the power to make the necessary changes to align your life with your heart and soul.
Let’s use an example: a relationship where your partner is insensitive and disrespectful towards you. How could that possibly be something you created? Aren’t they just being mean?
While you want to blame them for being a horrible person, the reality is that they are being insensitive and disrespectful towards you because you aren’t holding them to a line where they’re required to treat you with respect and sensitivity to remain in your life. You don’t have boundaries. Maybe you don’t have the self-respect and self-love to know you’re allowed to hold strong, self loving boundaries.
I used to be exactly like that. People would tell me for years, “Julie, just stop responding to him, just stop engaging,” but I was like, “I have four kids with this man! How do I stop responding to him?” I didn’t know how to do that, or how to build that healthy boundary. Fast forward to today and I have learned how to not respond whatsoever, I am completely detached, and am still raising four kids with a person I don’t ever physically see or directly talk to.
Why? Because I am not doing that anymore. It’s not a safe place for me.
How? Because I respected and loved myself enough to start making choices for myself. I had to start removing myself from the relationship so I was no longer the reactor, but instead I was the observer. I had to love us both enough to make a change.
I had to recognize that at this point, we have a business relationship, that’s it!. The business of raising four kids to be the best versions of themselves. All other aspects of the relationship needed to fall away. And they are…
Lead with Love
My good friend, Rita, told me something amazing that absolutely helped change my relationship. She said, “The best love you can give this person, is to hold extremely, extremely strong boundaries.” And that’s exactly where I am today—it took me a while to get there, but things have fallen into alignment because I cared about myself more than I cared about holding onto or fixing something for the other person.
When you love someone enough to set boundaries, it’s life changing. And when you have the self-love to put yourself first, it is amazing. Love changes everything. It flips everything right on it’s head, in the best way, so if you’re feeling stuck in your relationship, lead with genuine, honest love and compassion and you might be surprised where it takes you.