Gain Strength from Disappointment
Julie Murphy • January 6, 2021
In 2006, I bought a house that I thought would not only help my dad heal but extend his life after having two major strokes. In my mind, this house would be the BEST. THING. EVER! My dad would be happy, I’d be happy, it would give my family so much relief, and I would be a family SHERO. But guess what? It didn’t work out that way. My family was indifferent to my major purchase, Dad didn’t want to go stay there like I thought he would have, and I was stuck doing all the work and footing the bill. Talk about disappointment. What I imagined the outcome to be was far from the reality that transpired. That kind of let down was tough to face.
When things don’t go the way we expect them too, the sadness can lead to a momentary pity party, or hiding in bed with the covers pulled over our head for days! How we react all depends on the kind of emotional investment we have made in our goals and desires.
No matter the size of the disappointment, we have to make a decision: stay stuck in misery, or choose to acknowledge the hurt, grow from the experience and move on. It may not feel like it, but your response is within your control.
When we want something, we build it up in our minds. We fantasize and dream about the rewards that come with our desires: how good we’ll look in that new car, the benefits that will come with a big promotion, or how deeply we’ll feel loved once we get married. New and exciting life milestones seem like they should be filled with unbridled happiness, but many times they turn out to be far less than the perfect scenarios we envisioned.
If things don’t go as planned, it doesn’t mean you should abandon your hopes of being successful and getting what you want. Learning how to deal with disappointment along the way is just as important as celebrating your accomplishments.
The things that are most worthwhile in life – whether that is love, a dream career, or being a parent – rarely come easily. There will always be struggles, no matter how good you may have it. But those who are most successful know how to keep those struggles — the everyday annoyances and more significant disappointments — in their place and in perspective.
The choice of whether those stressors will tear you down is entirely up to you. Will it be hard to make the choice to thrive some days? Absolutely. But remember that continuing to take steps towards an authentic life – especially during the hard days – will create some of the most fulfilling moments you will ever experience.
Let’s go back to my purchase of that house. After years of frustration and disappointment, I decided to make a change. I realized that my expectations, and attachment to the emotional outcome I desired was doing me more harm than good. I finally decided to sell the house and let myself and my family off the emotional hook I created. It was a great decision. My investment was repaid and releasing that property, along with my expectations, opened me to a new and less stressful connection to my family.
Next time you face a disappointment, use these tips to build resiliency:
1. Try to see the situation from the perspective of an outside observer. As much as possible, detach from the situation and see if this brings more clarity and balance to your reaction.
2. Avoid negative self-talk about what happened. Thoughts like, ‘this always happens to me,” or “I was foolish to think I could make that work”, create a cycle of blame and shame that only serves to hold you back from your desires.
3. Think of personal challenges as opportunities for change and growth. Every experience is ripe for learning. By deciding that mishaps can have a real purpose, you are building resiliency.
4. Choose your next steps. Life will go on so you can adapt to the situation or chart a different course. Staying stuck in a swirl of disappointment will only weigh you down.
Clear the emotional clutter and create a space of acceptance and tranquility to allow yourself to connect fully with your inner desires. Doing this is the most rapid way to let your authentic self come to the surface.
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